[LIVE INTERVIEW] Removing the Mask of Masculinity With Lewis Howes

Recently, I had the privilege of interviewing Lewis Howes about his new book, The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationship, and Live Their Fullest Lives.

For men in the modern era, this book is chock full of wisdom about how to improve your life and shed misconceptions that may be holding you back. My time reading Lewis’ book was incredibly eye-opening and informative, and I wanted to take the time to highlight some of my main takeaways from The Mask of Masculinity by talking with Lewis.

Watch my interview now below!

How The Mask of Masculinity Can Help Men and Women Alike

For hundreds of years, society has conditioned men about how they should act and behave. Some of these conditions are good, such as bravery, respect, and honor.

Some, however, can be a detriment, such as the idea that men should show no emotion, should be able to handle everything on their own, and should treat aggression as an admirable trait.

For men, the first step in keeping these misguided ideals from holding them back is to recognize them. Likewise, for women, it’s important to recognize when the men in their lives are being influenced by these ideals so that they can act accordingly and help them move past them.

This is where The Mask of Masculinity offers real value. It shines a light on the various masks that men sometimes wear, why they are often detrimental, and how they can put them aside in order to enjoy a healthier, more fulfilling life.

Why do Men Wear Masks?

Over the years, society has created an image of how “real men” should act and behave.

These ideals of a “real man” come at us from every angle.

They’re in the movies we watch, the books we read, the stories in our history texts, and the pressures from our peers. However, not every man truly exhibit these ideals. Left to be themselves, they may prefer to behave in ways entirely different from how society has conditioned them to behave. The pressure to behave as expected, though, is intense, and for many men, the solution is to wear masks.

They spend years trying to convince others and themselves that they embody all of the ideals a man is supposed to embody, and in the process, they often lose sight of who they really are.

The Masks that Men Wear

There are a number of masks men sometimes wear in order to convey the idea that they really are what society expects them to be.

These masks include:

  • The Stoic Mask – Demands that men should never show emotion
  • The Athletic Mask – Demands that men must be physically superior to their peers
  • The Aggressive Mask – Demands that men show aggression whenever they are angry
  • The Sexual Mask – Dictates that men must be promiscuous and successful with the opposite sex
  • The Joker Mask – Demands that men use humor to deflect and dodge real issues
  • The Know-it-all Mask – Demands that men be intellectually superior to their peers
  • The Invincible Mask – Demands that men show no signs of emotional or physical pain
  • The Material Mask – Demands that men pursue material wealth and possessions
  • The Alpha Mask – Demands that men portray an image of dominance over their peers

In some situations, these masks can prove useful, particularly in a society that dictates this is how men should behave. This occasional usefulness is perhaps the reason why these masks have stuck around for so long even though we have now largely moved into a world where they are no longer necessary.

In many other instances, though, these masks can shackle men to an image that doesn’t truly represent them, leading to disappointment, failure, and overall unhappiness.

Why it’s Time to Take the Masks Off

Society convinces many men must behave a certain way lest they become unsuccessful and ostracized. This idea, however, is a lie and a dangerous one at that.

Sometimes, it’s okay for men to be stoic. Sometimes it’s okay for a man to be humorous, or athletic, or pursue material wealth.

However, it’s also okay for men to be open, tender, and vulnerable. In fact, the men who are able to exhibit these latter traits when these traits are truly what they are feeling on the inside are the ones who are the most successful in their relationships, their career, and their life as a whole.

Successful, happy men are not confined to a cookie-cutter ideal of what men should be like. Successful, happy men are the ones who are true to themselves in spite of the ideals they’ve been conditioned to.

As a society, it’s time we take off the mask and allow ourselves and other men to dictate for themselves how they should behave. Traits such as humor, athleticism, and intellect should be encouraged when they are genuine. So should traits such as vulnerability and openness. When these traits are genuine, they are incredibly valuable. When they are a mask, though, they are rarely of any value and only hold us back.

I’m honored to have been able to speak with Lewis and to read his book, and I hope that men and women alike will take the time to better understand the pitfalls of wearing these masks and learn how to move past them into a life that is more fulfilling and rewarding.

If you would like to learn more, I cannot recommend enough taking time to order and read The Mask of Masculinity for yourself.

About Lewis Howes

Lewis is a New York Times Bestselling author of the hit book, The School of Greatness. He is a lifestyle entrepreneur, high-performance business coach and keynote speaker. A former professional football player and two-sport All-American, he is a current USA Men’s National Handball Team athlete. He hosts a top 100 podcast in the world, The School of Greatness, which has over 40 million downloads since it launched in 2013. He was recognized by The White House and President Obama as one of the top 100 entrepreneurs in the country under 30.

Is the Secret Real?

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Is the Secret real? If you’re familiar with my work you know that I’m a huge believer in the Law of Attraction. I was even featured in the groundbreaking movie and book The Secret, which introduced the world to the Law of Attraction in a massive way. I’ve also written several books about it and the Law of Attraction is featured prominently in the success principles and all the other programs I’ve created.

Over the years I’ve heard many people ask whether or not the Secret is real.

Today I want to answer that question…

The Law of Attraction states that the universe responds to whatever vibration you are offering by giving you more of whatever you are vibrating. It doesn’t care whether it’s good for you or not. It simply responds to your vibration, whether it’s love, joy, abundance, prosperity, or whether it’s fear, anxiety, resentment or anger.

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How I Know the Secret is Real

First, I know the Secret is real because I’ve used it to achieve, and in most cases exceed, all of the goals that I’ve set in finding amazing success with the best-selling Chicken Soup for the Soul series, creating a high multimillion dollar net worth, a beautiful home, fulfilling relationships, dream vacations all over the world, and a successful company.

Second, I’ve also seen the graduates from my training use it with great success. Watch this video below where I talk about some success stories of people using the Secret in their lives to achieve wonderful things.

Show Appreciation for All Things

Joe Vitale tells a wonderful story of being dirt poor and living in a rundown apartment.  Joe was reading a book on the Law of Attraction that said, “Write down what you’re grateful for.” He said, “What the hell do I have to be grateful for?” I’m in this crappy apartment. I’ve got a pencil and a piece of paper. He said, “I stopped and said, ‘Okay if I could be grateful what would it be for?'”

Joe thought, “Well I have a piece of paper. I could write down my goals. I have an eraser. I could erase my limiting beliefs. I have my life. I have clothes. I’m in a country where I’m safe. I’ve got water coming out of a faucet.” 

He started writing down all of the things he wanted to have and at the end of the day he had a list of goals he wanted, and within a year he was out of that apartment, he was in a wonderful place, he was making money, he was writing a book. Everything shifted because he hit bottom and he thought, “Okay, even at the bottom I still have something to be grateful for.”

If you have food in the refrigerator, if you have electricity, if you have running water, you’re better off than half the people in the world. Over half the people in the world are living on less than $3 a day. I know people that are making $100,000 a year that feel like they are poor. If you’re making $100,000 a year in the top one-tenth of 1% in the world of the income. Take some time and start inventorying in your life what you do have and focus on doing what I call a rampage of appreciation.

Take time to walk around your environment and make a list of everything you have that you can appreciate. Things like:

  • The carpet that you have
  • The running water
  • The windows that are clean
  • The cat that you love
  • The plants that you have in your house
  • You have toilets that flush
  • You have food in your refrigerator
  • You have a car perhaps
  • You have warm clothes in the winter
  • You’ve got shoes

All of the things that are out there that you have that are gifts that you have that most people don’t have. Whatever it is. Make sure you focus on that.

Do a little show of appreciation every day for a couple of minutes.

How do You Respond to Things in Your Life?

I want to give you a little bit of homework. We’ve talked about inventorying what you currently have and what you’re currently experiencing in your life. This is your current reality.

Also make note of how you respond to things like current events, the news, what the people in the government are doing, how people treat you, what’s happening in the stock market, how you feel when you open up your paycheck or you look at your bank statement, how your children are doing in school, and whether or not your favorite sports team wins.

What is your emotional reaction to all of these things? Is it calm acceptance? Is it unconditional love? Is it joy? Is it peace? Or is it anger, fear, hopelessness, and resignation?

The Secret to the Law of Attraction is that it responds to your negative as well as your positive vibrations when you’re reacting to these external events.

It attracts to you more of what it is you’re vibrating. If you get angry at the news you’re going to attract more things to be angry about. If that is the case you might want to stop watching the news. Instead, engage in activities that bring you joy.

Think Thoughts of Peace and Love

Think about thoughts that bring you peace and love.

One of the most important things you need to focus on in your life is to protect your own positive vibration.

One of the things I often suggest to my students is to go on a 30-day news fast. No newspapers, no news on TV or radio, no magazines, only listen to positive music, only read uplifting books, and only watch uplifting movies. Then notice how you feel. I really strongly encourage you to try that for 30 days.

These are only a few of the amazing Law of Attraction success stories that prove that the Secret is indeed real. Leave a comment below on what you think, and I’ll be sure to follow up with you.

If you want to learn how to activate the Law of Attraction in your life, click the button below.

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My Personal Vision Board

A vision board is a perfect tool to help you visualize your goals and activate the Law of Attraction. The best way to achieve your goals is to keep them top of mind so that you’re always looking for ways to move closer to them.

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What is a Vision Board?

A vision board is a visualization tool which refers to a board of any sort used to build a collage of words and pictures that represent your goals and dreams.

Vision boards can be bought from our website or made with cork or poster boards. By placing visual representations of your goals into one space, you can easily visualize them frequently. Remembering to look at them daily and imagine them as if they have already come true is one of the best ways to activate the Law of Attraction.

The main idea of a vision board is, that it’s a place where you capture images of the goals that you have in your life, the things you want to experience, the things you want to own, and the things you want to do.

The subconscious mind is much more powerful than the conscious mind. We can program the subconscious and the unconscious by putting in images and words and affirmations on a consistent and regular basis.

My Personal Vision Boards

I currently have two vision boards. One is a fold out vision board that I can travel with and close up for privacy and a vision board on the back of my door in my office. So, every time I leave my office, I stop and I look at the images on that board. It’s in my face every day, probably 8 to 10 times a day.  

I’ve been using vision boards in one form or another since the 1970’s. My first “vision board’ was a $100,000 bill that I made myself.

I taped it to the ceiling above my bed so that I would see it every day when I woke up. I set the goal for myself that I wanted to make $100,000 in one year. At that point, I was making $8,000 a year so this was more than 12 times my annual income.

Every morning when I would wake up, I would visualize that. I would close my eyes and visualize my $100,000 lifestyle.

What it would be like…

Where I would live…

The Navajo rugs I was going to buy I put on my walls…

The little lake house I would have…

The car I would own…

And everything else I could think of.

Guess what happened? Within about 30 days, I started having hundred thousand dollar ideas for the first time in my life.

Within a year I had earned $92,000. It was an amazing breakthrough.

At the end of that year, my wife asked me, “Do you think it’ll work for a million dollars?” I said, “I don’t know, It worked for $100,000. So, let’s do it.”

We made a million dollar bill and put that on the ceiling. And within a few years, I received my first $1,000,000 check for a book royalty for the first Chicken Soup For The Soul.

Today, my current vision board has:

  • Pictures of million dollar bills.
  • A picture of a man doing yoga because I want to be more flexible.
  • A picture of a strong back, because I want to have a pain free and flexible back.
  • A resort in Hawaii and Tahiti because I want to spend more time there.
  • A world map, because I want to enroll trainers in my Train the Trainer Online program from every country in the world.
  • A piano, because I’m learning to play the piano, and more.

Make sure you put images and words. You can cut them out of magazines. You can go to Google images and other image sites online. Print them out, cut them out and paste them on your vision board.

The Power of Visualization

Visualization from a vision board has three main benefits.

  1. It activates the creative powers of your subconscious mind to come up with ideas and solutions for achieving your goals.
  2. It programs the perceptual filters in your brain to start noticing the available resources that are present in your environment that were always there but escaped your notice.
  3. Through the law of attraction, visualization also magnetizes and attracts to you the people, the resources, and the opportunities you need to achieve your goal.

By adding visualization practice to your daily routine, you will naturally become more motivated to reach your goals. And you’ll start to notice you are unexpectedly doing things that move you closer to your ideal life. You’re going to feel more motivated and you’re going to be doing things you’re going to be surprised at the outcomes that start to happen.

I’d like to offer you today my 21 Ways To Make Your Vision Board More Powerful. It’s a wonderful checklist that will help you create an actionable vision board and create the success you want in your life.

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