How to Build Self-Esteem & Overcome Shyness Using This One Technique

When you have high self-esteem and self-confidence you show the world the best version of yourself. Nothing is more important than the way you think and feel about yourself.

self esteem self confidence

In the late 1980s, I did a lot of work in the education field helping teachers and administrators bring self-esteem training to the classroom. If students felt more confident about their abilities, we discovered, they stretched more as students – which improved the learning process by making them less afraid of failure. One byproduct of building confidence and self-esteem is that you tend to be less shy about speaking up, offering your ideas, and showing the world your best self.

You might think it’s odd that someone like me who’s been teaching success principles and self-esteem building methods for over 40 years could be shy, but I am – in many situations. It takes a lot of focus and energy for me to interact with businesspeople, legal teams, and advanced-level academics and not feel timid when voicing my thoughts and asking questions.

Build Self-Esteem With The Mirror Exercise

One technique I’ve recommended over the years to help people be more confident and more open to receiving validation and praise—and therefore be more willing to accomplish praiseworthy acts and voice their opinions—is called The Mirror Exercise.  

It’s based on the theory that we all need acknowledgment, but we need acknowledgment from ourselves most importantly.  If you don’t think your successes are worthwhile, why on Earth would you bother to achieve anything worthwhile in the future?

The Mirror Exercise gives your subconscious mind the positive “strokes” it needs to pursue further achievements and it helps change any negative beliefs you have toward praise and accomplishment, which puts you in an achieving frame of mind.

Set aside a couple of minutes toward the end of each day when you’ll have quiet time. Relax and take a few deep breaths, then think through any accomplishments you’ve achieved during the day—big, small…doesn’t matter.

Maybe you met a deadline or got a project done early.  Maybe you saved more money toward your emergency fund or paid off a debt.
When you’re ready, stand or sit in front of your mirror and begin by saying, “Good evening.  I want to appreciate you for the following things today.”  

Then acknowledge yourself for everything you did that was a success.  

If I were doing this tonight, my Mirror Exercise might sound like this:

“Okay, Jack.  You got up on time. You meditated for half an hour. You got that book Foreword written on time. You handled that staff meeting really well. You made that cold call to a potential new distributor. You went to lunch and ate a healthy salad. You worked out before dinner and kept your body in shape. At home, you spent quality time with your wife.  You finished your day by planning your must-do tasks for tomorrow.”  

When you’re done acknowledging your successes, then look yourself in the eye – and this is the hardest part – say,

“One more thing, Jack. I want you to know that I really love you.”

The first time you do this exercise, you’ll feel awkward, weird and maybe a lot of other emotions. You may be thinking, “This is stupid.”

Very few of us know what it’s like to totally acknowledge ourselves. While you may be uncomfortable in the beginning, keep at it. I’ve had grown men—key executives in major companies—tell me how much better they feel about themselves and their confidence after doing this exercise just a week or less.  

Ideally, I want you to do the Mirror Exercise diligently for at least three months.  After 90 days of telling yourself how successful you are, will there be any question that you truly are?  Or that you can go on to succeed even more?

Will there be any question that you have the self-confidence to face any situation?

Join a Mastermind Group

One other way to build your self-confidence and overcome shyness is to get involved in a mastermind group or recruit an accountability partner who can support you when you’re faced with situations where you need to stay strong. They can actually create a safe space where you can build that new muscle.

Everything you need to create your first Mastermind Group here: FREE Mastermind Workbook

They can help you practice specific situations – even role-play with you – creating hypothetical scenarios where you’re not attached to the outcome. I call these high-intention-low-attachment activities – situations where you intend to get the best result possible – and you work hard to do so – but if it doesn’t happen the way you envision, you don’t fall apart over it.

But perhaps the best way to practice high self-esteem and overcome shyness is to build the habit of being confident when it doesn’t really matter. Ask for something where you don’t really need a yes.

Practice getting to yes, but don’t criticize yourself or feel bad if it doesn’t happen.

Today, in addition to the transformational training and coaching that we do to help adults grow in every area of life, we also teach people how to be more confident and overcome shyness.

If you’re interested in starting a mastermind group of your own, click the button below to get my Mastermind Workbook.

It’s Never Too Late to Become a Millionaire

I want to reveal something about myself that I hope will inspire you in your life. The truth is that the first time I earned a check for $1,000,000 was when I was 51 years old. It’s never too late to become a millionaire.

become a millionaire

In fact, if you consider that I graduated from Harvard University when I was 21, it took me an utter 30 years to amass the knowledge, the connections, and the experience required to generate that much money.

Slow and steady won the game. How about you? What can you do in your life to develop the millionaire mindset? And I want you to realize today with everything that’s available on the internet, you don’t have to wait 30 years to become a millionaire.

4 Things You Need to do to Become a Millionaire

1. Develop a Millionaire Mindset

First, you must have the belief that you can easily become a millionaire.

Belief comes from making a choice. All beliefs are thoughts. They’re thoughts you think over and over and over until you don’t even realize it’s a conscious thought anymore, it just seems like it’s reality. But you have the ability to change your beliefs.

To develop your belief, practice daily affirmations like:

“I am so happy and grateful that I’m now earning $1,000,000 a year.”

“I’m so happy and grateful that I am looking at my net worth and my stock account and it shows $2,000,000 or $20,000,000.” (Or whatever it is.)

“I’m so happy and grateful that I’m living a millionaire lifestyle.”

If you do the affirmation over and over, it becomes the new belief that becomes your reality and then everything in your unconscious mind and subconscious mind will start to organize itself to actually help you create it.

Here’s a video with a few more tips to help you develop that millionaire mindset:

2. Know Your Purpose Behind Becoming a Millionaire

The second thing is you must decide what being a millionaire means to you. These things that will keep you focused. Is it security? Is it freedom? Power? Prestige? The ability to travel anywhere you want in the world? Philanthropy? The ability to make a difference in the lives of others? Have the money to invest? Is it the ownership of a house, two houses, or a vacation home?

Whatever that experience is for you, make sure that you write it down and get very clear what’s the why behind being a millionaire.

For me, becoming a millionaire wasn’t about the big house and the big car. Now I have those things, but the real purpose for me was about having the freedom to pursue my visions and to live my life purposefully.

  • To have the resources.
  • To be able to hire staff.
  • To have the electronic, video, and sound equipment at seminars.
  • To be able to rent rooms, do PR, and pay for advertising.
  • To be able to support my coaches.

All those things that I wanted to do had to do with the vision of changing the world. I wanted to inspire and empower people to live their highest vision, so if everyone did, everything in the world would work.

Make sure you get really clear about what is your purpose behind becoming a millionaire. Because that’s going to drive it more than the actual million dollars.

It’s the feeling that you want to achieve and the impact that you want to have that is much more important.

I suggest that you create a vision board of what you want and the pictures that would represent the lifestyle and experiences you expect to have when you’re a millionaire.

vision board is simple, it could be on your door, your mirror, or your refrigerator door. It could be on paper, construction paper, or wherever you want to put it. It’s simply a place where you staple, glue, tape, or however words like abundance, prosperity, freedom, travel, unlimited potential, and images.

Be sure to include images of the vacations, the things you want to own, you on a stage, your children graduating, or whatever it might be that you think having a million dollar lifestyle would give you.

3. Transform Your Financial Comfort Zone

We all have a financial set point just like the thermostat in your house.

When we get to a certain level of earnings, our thermostat turns off the furnace, just like it turns off the furnace in your house when it reaches 68 or 70 degrees.

And for some people making $75,000 a year is their comfort zone. They’ll never make more than that unless they reset their thermostat. You have to reset it.

I’ll share a story with you about how this financial set point works…

40 years ago I got a new job working at a training company in Los Angeles and the owner of that training company said he was going to go buy some shirts if I’d like to come along with him.

We went to a store called Allandale’s in Westlake, California and the cheapest shirt in that store was around $100. The owner was buying shirts for like $150.

I had never bought a shirt for more than $38 from a place like Nordstrom’s. This was way out of my comfort zone to spend that much money on a shirt.

I wanted him to think that I was successful so I bought one shirt that cost me $148. I’ll never forget this. I took that shirt home and I wore it and I sent it to the cleaners.

When it came back, I noticed that it was always the first shirt I would reach for. It was a better quality shirt, it was designed better, it looked better, and it felt better.

Pretty soon my comfort zone changed from $38 shirts to $150 shirts and those are the only shirts I buy now and I’ve bought ever since. The act of moving into a new place shifted my entire sense of myself and made me uncomfortable wearing the lesser quality shirt.

Comfort zones are very powerful and you can change your comfort zone by visualizing, affirming, and taking actions in that new comfort zone that become a habit.

4. Decide Exactly What You Want in Life

Finally, you’re going to need to decide how much money you want to have in your life. The exact annual salary, the exact net profit from your business, your total net worth, your portfolio of investments, investment income, and how much you want to have when you retire.

You have to believe it’s possible to attain that. Come up with a specific number.

To stay focused on this number I want to teach you about a powerful tool which I’ve mentioned called affirmations. Affirmations are simply statements you repeat over and over and over affirming your new reality.

I like to use the very simple little formula, “I’m so happy and grateful that I now…

For example, “I’m so happy and grateful that I now am looking at my bank statement of $1,000,000 a year.”

Once you’ve created your affirmation, based on your goal and the numbers that you came up with, spend at least two to three minutes in the morning and two to three minutes at night repeating your affirmation every day. If you have three or four affirmations that’s great, go through them one at a time. Close your eyes and visualize having that reality.

To help yourself develop a millionaire mindset and shift your comfort zone I want you to write several affirmations that are expressing your eventual income and lifestyle.

 “I’m so happy and grateful that I now have a $200,000 a year income or $500,000 a year income or $1,000,000 income.”

“I’m so happy and grateful that I now spend my days traveling the world, solving problems to impact investing.”

“I’m so happy and grateful that I fully funded our kid’s college education expenses and have secured it in a 529 plan.”

Take a few minutes twice a day when you first wake up and right before you go to bed and repeat each affirmation. Close your eyes and see it clearly.

As long as you’re intending it, even if it’s vague, it works.

Make sure you visualize it as if it’s already come true and then feel the feelings you would feel. Fill in all the details of where you’d be, who else is there, what’s being said and as I said, most important, create the experience of the emotions you’d be feeling if you’d already achieved it. Just like an actor.

Would it be joy, gratitude, happiness, pride, feeling powerful, or generous? Whatever you think you would feel, create that feeling in your body.

Use these financial goals as your destination. Your financial goal is one of your important destinations, the affirmation and the visualization is the car you’re going to drive to get there, and the emotional feeling is the fuel that’s going to propel that car. Research seems to show now that the emotions are the most critical part of this process.

Take Action

Here is your millionaire mindset homework to complete after reading this blog. Pull out your checkbook and write a check payable to yourself for the amount of money that you want to make in the next year. Sign and date the check, and place it somewhere where you’re going to see it every day.

Use it as a daily reminder of where you want to be, the work you want to do, and whatever is necessary to reach that goal. Put it on your mirror, your refrigerator, or under the glass on your desk at work. You could even photograph it and make it a screensaver on your computer.

Leave a comment below and share one thing you’re going to do to ensure you reach the financial goal that you set for yourself within the next year.

If you want to learn more about creating a vision board and creating affirmations that will change your life, click the banner below to get my free success tool, 21 Ways to Make Your Vision Board More Powerful.

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Here’s How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone & Achieve Success

What keeps people stuck in their comfort zone. How do you take the leap and step out of your comfort zone?

how to step out of your comfort zone

Most people want certain things in life, – a nice home, a comfortable bank account, loving relationships, or a rewarding career. They wish that life was better, or that they had more, or that things somehow were different.

They might even know the steps they need to take to get there – but what stops them? It’s the negative images you have about yourself or the effects of toxic experiences that you haven’t processed yet.

Perhaps this describes you… You stay in a comfort zone of your own making. You maintain flawed beliefs about yourself or you hold onto guilt and self-doubt.

When you try to achieve life goals, these negative images and pre-programmed comfort zones always cancel out your good intentions — no matter how hard you try.

So what if, instead of using willpower as the engine to power your success, you simply let go of your limiting beliefs and change the images you hold about yourself. As long as you keep complaining about your present circumstances, your mind will focus on it.

By continually talking about, thinking about, and writing about the way things are, you are continually reinforcing those very same brain pathways that got you to where you are today.

To change this cycle, focus instead on thinking, talking and writing about the reality you want to create. You must flood your unconscious with thoughts and images of this new reality.

Learn how to discover your full potential, dream bigger than you ever have before, and finally achieve your most important goals with these principles.

Learn more about Breakthrough to Success Online Here

How to Step Out of Your Comfort Zone Using Affirmations

One way to do this – one way to stretch your comfort zone – is to bombard your subconscious mind with new images—of a big bank account, a trim healthy body, exciting work, interesting friends and memorable experiences.

The technique we use to do this is affirmations.

Affirmations are simple positive statements declaring specific goals in their completed states. Although they sound rather basic at that level, these empowering mantras have profound effects on the conscious and unconscious mind.

Affirmations are reminders to your unconscious mind to stay focused on your goals and to come up with solutions to challenges and obstacles that might get in the way.

They can also create higher vibrations of happiness, joy, appreciation, and gratitude that then, through the law of attraction, magnetize people, resources, and opportunities to come to you to help you achieve your goals.

Just Lean Into It

Another way to move beyond your comfort zone is to lean into that goal that you want to accomplish.

Not only is this a way to get over your fears and test the waters, but surprising success often happens when you lean into a new activity—when you make yourself open to opportunities and are willing to do what it takes to pursue it further—without a contract, without a promise of success, without any expectation whatsoever.  

You just start.

You lean into it.

You see what it feels like.

And you find out if you want to keep going—instead of sitting on the sidelines deliberating, reflecting and contemplating.

Of course, one of the most extraordinary benefits of just leaning into it is that you begin creating momentum—that unseen energy force that brings more opportunity, more resources and more people who can help you at seemingly just the right time for you to benefit the most from them.

Just getting into action on your biggest goals is the most important thing you can do.

When I hold my popular Breakthrough to Success live training, one of the exercises I do is to have attendees identify the one thing that’s keeping them from their biggest goal – whether it’s information they need, someone they need to call, an incomplete they need to clean up first, an old habit or nagging health concern that’s in the way.

Then, I ask them to leave the room for 20 minutes and immediately handle that matter.

Take Action

Write down 3 things that scare you and commit to doing at least one of them today. Make that phone call, send that email, commit, sign up – get started in whatever way you can.

Do the thing you must do to get out of your comfort zone. Tomorrow do the next thing on your list, and the day after…the next.

Breakthrough to YOUR Success

You’ve got big dreams and ambitions. Now, it’s time to start acting on them while taking your life to a whole new level.

I invite you to let me be your guide, just like I have been for millions of people around the world for the last 40 years.

I continually ask them the same exact questions I’m about to ask you:

  • Are you where you want to be?
  • Have you accomplished all you thought you would by now?
  • Are you enjoying the lifestyle, travel, weekends and leisure pursuits you’ve always dreamed of?
  • Do you want a more fulfilling career or business?
  • Could your relationships be deeper, more rewarding, and more meaningful?

If not, I’d like to challenge you to up-level every single aspect of your life, career, and lifestyle, STARTING NOW.

I’d like to introduce my brand-new masterclass Breakthrough to Success Online.

In it you’ll have access to hours of content allowing you to tap into my proven system to align your goals with your life’s purpose so you can attain unimagined levels of happiness. The best part is, you can do it all from the comfort of your own home. I decided to create this course because I believe with the right tools, you can step out of your comfort zone, and discover your greatest life purpose.

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